Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Official Adoption Class Graduates!

Woohoo! We are done! Last night was a 4th and final adoption class, so now we are on to the interviews with our social worker. The end is in sight and it feels kind of weird.

Last night was awesome. We talked a little about the assumptions people make about birth mothers (young, crazy, drug addicts, poor, etc) and what they actually are. Most of the birthmothers they work with are over 24-35. I was surprised by that, I had definately bought into the idea that adoptions are mostly from teen pregnancies. The sad truth is, most teens dont want to carry the baby for 9 months and just get an abortion, Sad.

The second half of the class they always have some kind of panel and this night it was birth moms. This was really awesome to me, because they were two perfectly normal women in their mid 30s. One had placed 12 years ago and the other 2 years ago. The second was pregnant again and was placing the new baby with the same family who has the 2 year old. How cool is that!
Both of these mothers have very open adoptions. They see the adoptive family once or twice a month, talk on the phone often, spend all major holidays together, etc. It was really impressive. There was a lot of talk about boundaries. They were both very adiment that they did not want to coparent and that they respected the parents decisions.

I think that is the most scary part of open adoption for people. The idea that there will be this other woman who has a very substantial connection with the child hanging around and intruding on your parentness. That the birth mom will have a deeper connection with the child, love her more, and want to really be with her. And that the birthmom will act like the parent, be judgemental of the way the child is being raised etc. These girls didnt have any of that, they saw that as a stereotype and were very focused on not doing those things. And they really didnt want to. They wanted their child to bond with the adoptive family, to want to be with them more than her. They understood the reality of the situation and worked for the good of it.

Oh and we went to Babies R Us and it was awesome, lots of fun and overwhelming looking at all the gadgets and stuff that "someone" says we need. If we bought everything we "needed" our house would be full of baby junk and we would be able to pay for our adoption! We did buy our first baby item: a blanket from the bedding set we picked, we went with bunny meadows. I love it and it looked fine in a white crib. Now I have the pattern and colors and cant wait to start painting the dresser!


lassie said...

I remember the excitement of finishing our last adoption class! Congratulations!

FWIW, the 2 birth families we worked with were intact families with strong marriages and full siblings to the children being placed for adoption. I think adoption is a gift of love from a birth parent to their child. I try to think of that when I think of my daughter's birth mother.


~Jess said...

How exciting! Before reading your post,subconsciously, I had the teen-birth mom thing in my head: We just kind of go with these preconceived notions and don't even realize it.

I'm so excited for you guys and hopefully things move along quickly.

Anonymouse said...

Congrats on graduating! The panel sounds great.

Love the bedding you chose!

Don't buy into "needing" all of that baby stuff. Especially right away. Buy/register for the essentials and then add other stuff as you determine you need it. Also - a bonus of being infertile is that a lot of times your friends have kids first and you can borrow their stuff! We are borrowing all of the "bigger" items except for nursery furniture - swing, baby papasan, johnny-jump-up, etc.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Congrats on graduating! It's wonderful that things are in motion and you are now one step closer. :)


Meka said...

Yay how fun! Eden's birth mom is actually in her 30's! We have a closed adoption which makes me worry about our next child, if it's open will Eden feel bad? The birth mom panel really made me feel better about open adoption. I also gained such an understanding of how these birth moms really place because of love, if they loved their baby any less they would not place. It's amazing to hear their stories. I am so excited for you guys! You will see once you meet your baby that he/she was yours to raise all along. Our bodies are imperfect but God still has a plan for us to raise children (and dogs in love and righteousness) haha!

Nic said...

Thats v exciting, the classes sounds great. Hope all goes well. ~ICLW

Anonymous said...

That's so amazing that you got to hear from some birthmoms and hear about adoption from thier side.

And bunnies! So cute!


Parenthood For Me said...

Hi. I just found your blog. I am an adopitve mom who started the non profit Parenthood for Me.org. Stop by our website and blog. We need help spreading the word.