Saturday, January 31, 2009

My Husband Rocks!! A day late

Tuesday was my Birthday, I turned 28. Hubbs loves to plan our date and then hide the plans from me only leaking little clues to keep me excited. I knew the basic idea was dinner and a movie. I checked the movie listings and told him what I thought was good and he was really noncommital about it (kind of making frustrated) For Lunch me and the girls went out for Lebanese, I love Hummus! When I got back there was a note on my door with directions written out, but no address. Teaser! I quickly googlemaped the last intersection and tried to figure out where we were going. It looked like a neighborhood, so confusing.

Later we were hanging out with our students after their class and he had this piece of paper with the address and name of the resturant. He was waving it around teasing me the whole time, showing it to different people. The girls from my small group told me that it was awesome and I would have a wonderful night, but they wouldnt tell me where I was going. I need to work on their loyalty to me!

After work we walked home, and started getting ready. He did tell me that we would be eating outside (I love those kind of resturants) so I needed to dress warm. Right before we left Dave, Hubbs' boss, asked if he would drop off the work he collected today so he could start grading, and that the girls wanted to say Happy Birthday to me. I love his girls, so this was not a problem, and they live in the neighborhood.

We left the house, directions in hand, pulled into dave's for our quick stop. As we opened the side door to thier backyard (they dont use the front door) There was all of our students and friends yelling Happy Birthday!!!
My husband is such a good liar!!! I was so surprised, and I loved it. They had dinner for us, and had baked me a cake, it was awesome. Hubbs had been planning this for a week, and all the students were in on it, so when they were looking at the "directions" they knew exactly what was going on. Sneeky.

The next night we went out on our date, just to dinner, no movie which was fine. It was great to just get out with Hubbs and have that time to talk. I love him so much, not just because he can surprise me, but because he loves to. He knows how to love me in a way that I truly feel loved.

But the fun didnt stop there, the next night we had a Birthday party for two of out students. They wanted a dance party, so we moved all of our furniture out of the living room and brought out the speakers. It was amazing! They had so much fun goofing off and making up dances. These are not the kind of kids you are going to see booty dancing but they know how to have a good time. We danced for three hours straight and then at 11 we had to quiet down. It was so much fun, I think we are going to do it again soon. There is something about dancing that lets go of so much stress, I love it.

So that was my week. Thanks Hubbs for being amazing.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Adoption Class# 2: The Profile

Last night we went to our second adoption class. Most of the same couples were there, two were gone and one was new. The same women (whom we love) led the session. Topic at hand: The profile and how to Network.

Talking about the profile was fun, I love pictures and putting together books and the such. I think Hubbs and I will have a blast putting this together. We already joke about "oh this is a total profile pic moment, grab the camera!" It was a little stressful hearing about what the expectant mother wants to see or read. Not that we cant put those things in there, its just making sure we say it right.

Things to include:
  • Headshots, upclose fun pictures
  • Talk about our extended family
  • Where we live, community
  • What we do and how baby fits in
  • How baby fits into our lives in general
  • Why we are adopting
  • Our history
  • How we are preparing, classes, books, etc
My mind is already reeling with ideas of how to put this together. It doesnt have to made for a few months, but I think I will start sometime soon.

The other part of the night talked about Networking. This was a little more stressful. Basically she said the more networking you do the quicker the process will be. 1/3 of their familes choose to also work with an adoption lawyer (cant afford that!) so profiles are getting to more moms. They asked us to enlist our friends and get them to take a copy of our profile just in case they hear of a situation. This felt ocward to even think about. Everyone knows that we are adopting, so if the girl nextdoor turns up pregnant I think they would think of us.

I know we are suppose to be our own best advocate, but isnt this why we are paying an agency!! Money is tight to pay for just that, we dont have more money to canvas all of SoCal, so I guess we just have to wait longer. I hate waiting and I hate that money could buy us a shorter wait. (Sorry this quickly turned into a rantfest) We already send out bimonthly newsletters about our life and ministry, have two blogs, a 40 person prayer team that gets weekly emails, I mean what else can we do?? All we can do is wait, and trust that God has everything in his hands with the perfect Mother at the perfect time. I hate waiting.

For those mothers who have already adopted or in the process, what did you do? Did you network for yourself, where and what? Is this normal for an agency to tell you to get extra help? How long did your wait last?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A good day out

Yesterday was a day of errands. Typically this means that hubbs and I will make a list, check it off, and about half way through someone will become short, irritated, and sarcastic. Then we will fight, or bicker and end up cutting our errands short so as not to kill each other and return home safely together.

Yesterday was different. We had a blast. There was even a few hang ups that should have made the day more stressful, like spending two hours at the police station to do our Livescan and fingerprints, but somehow we breezed right through it. Strange, but wonderful.

Hubbs hates to window shop or just look at things we dont need to buy. I love it! Especially when it comes to shoes and baby items (now that I can walk in the baby isle with out bursting into tears) Well yesterday while we were in Target, Hubbs asked if there was anything else we needed to get, I replied no, unless we wanted to swing by the baby isle just for fun. He jumped right on it. Grabbed my arm and said well that is in this direction! I was stunned but didnt want to look too surprised and make him feel weird and loose the moment.

We looked at strollers and highchairs, and bassinets. He really looked too, not just entertaining me with a yea love that is great, but He was checking out all the specks and reading the safety stuff, talking about how he liked this handle and that because it saved space. I was in Heaven, it was so fun to have him playing the dream game with me. I love my hubbs, he truly is an amazing man. He really stepped up yesterday and was exactly who I needed him to be and it was awesome.

And to top it all of we agreed on a stroller that we love. The Graco travel system. I love the brown and blue, those are the colors we are using in the nursery. If anyone has used this or knows anything about it, I would love to hear the good and the bad, just to make sure we picked a good one.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Adoptive Breastfeeding

When I dream of being a mother one of the scenes that repeats over and over in my dreams is cuddling a child at my breast. I have always wanted to breastfeed and see it as a very beautiful and natural part of motherhood. Finding out about the infertility broke this dream to pieces. It was one of the dreams that pained me the most, I thought I would never have the satisfaction of Breastfeeding my baby and that broke my heart.

Today I have been reading about Adoptive Breastfeeding and I can not tell you how much Joy I have. It is totally possible! I guess it makes sense, I just never thought about it before. I am so excited.

I think this quote sums up my feelings:
"After all those years of infertility, it was nice to feel like there was something important that I could do for a child that no one else could!"
I will breastfeed my babies, like every other mother who chooses to do so. I will get to have a piece of natural motherhood. So much has been taken away from us, I think this is amazing, and I am so excited to spread the word.

There is a lot to it though. One article I read recommended pumping as soon as you found out your were matched, at least once a day. Wow, this will be a huge commitment, but I think it is worth it. There is also a drug that can be taken, Domperidone it seems like a safe option. Some mothers reported only pumping for a few weeks before the baby was born in combination with the drug and had an ample milk supply.

Even if the milk supply is not strong and supplements are still needed, the benefits from this are unmeasurable. The bond that is created between mother and child, emotionally, physically, I want that, and I see it as important.

Well I am not going out tomorrow and buying a breastpump, but I am excited and will keep researching on how this works. Any comments or suggestions are welcomed!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Today is a great day.

Today is a moment of History. Today will be remembered as the day the first African American was sworn in as President of the United States of America. Today is a great day.
I am excited about today not just because I believe in Obama and the change he wants to bring to this country, but because of what today represents. Today will be a day that I tell my children, my grandchildren, I remember when our first African American President was sworn into office. I will recall the story as they listen in amazement at the tale of history, the way our parents do about Kennedy's death, or my grandpa retelling the chicken in every pot speech.
Today gives me hope for my children that they live in world that knows racial reconciliation. We have come so far, and we still have so far to go. I pray that this is just the beginning of minorities being lifted up and included in the elite.
When I think about adopting African American children, I think of the hope Obama brings. They will be able to look at someone who has achieved so much, and who looks like them. They will be able to dream of being president one day and know that it is a possibility. I am so thankful.
Today brings hope, to a country that is pretty low on optimism. Obama will not do everything he promised, and he is sure to disappoint us, He isn't perfect. What He is though is inspiring, energetic, and the shot in the arm we all need to get this country back on its feet, take charge and be the great nation that we should be. Obama knows how to rally people to be the change. He is not the change, we all are. The country will not change because he says so, it will change when we do. We need someone to believe in us, and help us to believe in ourselves. When we love one another, accept one another and are willing to get out and help one another up, that is what makes us stronger, that is what makes us great.
I pray today is the day we start to believe.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My heart knows the truth

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted with in me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.
Psalm 43:5

Sometimes I am stressed and anxious and feel hurt and angry, but Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him. I still have days where I dream of being pregnant, nights where I fall asleep with tears in my eyes, but Hope in God my soul, I will again Praise Him. Will it really work out, will we really make it to the prize and become a family, Hope in God, I will again Praise Him!

Sometimes something within me looses hope, it questions, doubts, and stirs up troubled thoughts, but my heart knows that God is faithful. I know that He will not forsake me, He has plans for me, great plans, He loves me. I just have to remind myself, that one day soon, We will be praising the Lord for His greatness, and our beautiful baby.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Tag You're It!

So I was taged forever ago by Jess to do the seven things. I am sorry it has taken me awhile to get to it but better late than never. I am resting this morning with a tummy ache so I thought this wold be a good time to blog.

A. Link to the person who tagged you.
B. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
C. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

1. I grew up on a tiny little island of the coast of North Carolina, Hatteras Island. It is the most beautiful place in the world and if there was more than fishing, real estate, teaching, and owning your own business as options for employment I would move back there and raise my family. It is paradise for a kid, so much to explore, ocean, sounds, fish, marsh. I like small town feel where you feel free to let your kids roam outside all day and not worry about them.

2. Hubbs and I work with a mission agency doing Mobilization. I think this has become the hardest thing in the world for us to explain when people ask what we do. We dont go overseas, but help other people to do so, and encourage everyone to get involved in missions in someway. We raise our own support, and work full time at this. Last year we packed up everything and moved to California to work at the headquarters of our agency with a program called INSIGHT. There is so much going on here and we absolutely love it! By the way you should check out this class that is taught all over the country, it changed our lives, and I promise you wont be the same afterwards either. (the first website is horrible and we are aware of that and revamping it as I type, so stop back by in a few months and check it out again)

3. Hubbs and I were married on the Beach in Hatteras. It was the greatest wedding ever. I wore a white sarong from India and He wore shorts and a white cuban style shirt. My girls wore sarongs as well, and his guys were also in shorts and beachy shirts. It was absolutely beautiful. All of our guests came out and sat in the sand, I walked down an isle lined with seashells. It was totally laid back, and the best day of my life.

4. In college I owned 35 pair of underwear so I only did laundry once a month. I thought this was a genius plan, everyone else thought it was wierd. I just wore my pants several times before they were taged as dirty, and hung my shirts back up at the end of the day if they didnt smell. I thought it was great and saved a good bit of money this way as well.

5. I pretended to be a college student for about 3 years after I graduated. I am three years older than Hubbs. I graduated college in 03, we started dating that summer. When school started that year he was a sophmore. I spent a ton of time on campus with him so everyone thought I was still a student and i just didnt correct them. Our close friends knew my age, but I wasnt about to correct the people we hung out with ocassionally that I was actully older . =) I loved it, and played with them too, they would ask how exams were and I would say, Oh I have been done for awhile, they were great! Which was not a lie, just a dicieving truth.

6. I love photography. Studied it some in college and then worked in a studio for 3 years, four christmases. we judge our life by christmas in studio photography, because if you can survive that you can survive anything. I love working with babies especially newborns. Since we have been in Cali, I have not been able to do as much with my camera, but we just set up a studio for work and i cant wait to go play!

7. I love to bake and decorate cakes. I will find any excuse to make dessert for freinds or family. I love to be challenged and to conquer. I have thought several times about making this into a buisness but dont feel like I have the resources or knowledge to do so. As of now, I just do it for fun.

so there it is , me in a nutshell. That was a little harder than I thought it would be. Thanks for the challenge Jess.

I am going to Tag:
1. S. E.
2. B Mom
3. Amy
4. Dream4agift
5. Guera
6. So Barren
7. Karen

Friday, January 9, 2009


I have made so much progress, I am starting to be ok with baby bellies, all the cute baby Christmas cards, and friends announcing that they are expecting. I want to be happy for other people.

Yesterday I recieved an email from a couple that was really close to us when we were in college. They are pregnant. Those simple words through my emotions into a tailspin. I was instantly back in the dark place with my emotions yelling out its not fair! I was blindsided, I had no idea I would react like this, I should be happy for her, but I am not. I thought I was doing better. I am so confused right now.

Some background on our relationship.

Hubbs and I and this couple were all really great friends in college, we havent talked as much as of lately, but we would still go and see them if we were at home. We were all dating at the same time and did a lot of stuff together. We got engaged in May, and they would say that is what gave him the courage to ask his girl to marry him. They were engaged that fall. When we both set the wedding dates theirs was a month before us. We laughed about it alot at how it was not fair that they couldnt get married before us.

They were one of the first couples we told that we were TTC and they thought we were crazy but happy for us. See, they didnt want to get pregnant for a while. She wanted to finnish grad school and wait awhile. THEY DIDNT WANT TO BE PREGNANT! We would talk about this, it was always a mystery to her why we wanted to start a family so young. When we found out about the endometriosis we shared with them our struggles with infertility and that we are planning an adoption. They are great people and have been encouraging and supportive.

When I read this email, my gut reaction was, "There is no way that you are going to do this again, they dont even want kids yet!" Wow. That is just plain ugly. I hate my reaction and how I feel about this, I want to be happy with them, I want to call her and giggle and talk about baby stuff, still the phone sits. Honestly I dont know what to say to her.

I think the hardest part of this is that it was a surprise, something that just comes so easy to them that it snuck its way in to their lives. A baby that i know they will love and cherish now that it is there. I hope she sees how amazing this is, and how greatful she should be.

Pray that I will find the courage to call her, even if I have to pretend.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Crazy Family

We are home! I love my family and everyone we saw but I am so glad to be in one place in my bed and by ourselves!
I have been thinking over the trip and overall everything went well. No one had any major hang ups with the adoption and race. Hubb's step dad put it well, "A Child is who you raise it to be, I will love what ever child you have"
I really appreciated that.

It was funny to see that Hubb's Step Dad and K (Dad's girlfriend) had way more to say and ask about the adoption then his Mom and Dad. They both had their little rants about it. Which we kind of expected.

Our relationship with K is a love hate, smile and hug but dont turn your back on her kind of one. The hardest thing about talking with K is that the world revolves around her and that is just had to compete with. She has traveled the world, done everything perfectly and sees her life and experiences as the perfect model for the rest of the world. I could hardly get a sentence out before she was relating what I said (or what she heard) to some one she knew or something she had done.

Her one question was why now. Why did we want to start a family now? Of course she didnt let us really answer but proceded to tell us about how she had traveled the world and she wanted that for us and how important it was for our marriage and our family. We really didnt know each other yet and needed to spend more time exploring the world together before we started a family, and everyone is having babies in their 40s!

It was kind of shocking to hear a grown adult not understand that everyone is different and that we can live our life our way that is best for us and it wont look just like hers. And the thing about people starting families in their 40s! Thank God Hubbs sister (a nurse) piped in and said something about risks in later pregnancies, but really, who cares we cant get pregnant so why are we talking about waiting until we are 40?

Of course later that day we sat in the hot tub listening to her talk about how excited she was and how fun it would be to have a little one running around next year. She is crazy but what family isnt? I know she will love our child and be supportive and that is what really matters.