Sunday, December 28, 2008

We are half way there!!

We are half way through out visitation rounds. We have seen my parents, brother and his family, my grandparents and aunts and uncles. Today we visited with Hubbs stepdad, nana and aunt. Right now I am sitting in his sister's bed trying to be tired so we can wake up at 4 in the morning and drive to Florida to see the rest of his family. Needless to say I am a little worn out. Family is draining and especially with the added holiday run around, presents, dinners, parties, etc.

We have had good time to talk with all of the family so far about the adoption and mostly it has gone well. My sister in law is exstatic and really made us feel good about it. So are my parents. My mom gave us a white baby blanket that she crocheted. It made me cry. Their support was evident and really appreciated. When we got to my grandparents they asked alot of questions and had a lot of old ideas about what adoption looked like. They are from a different generation and I will never be able to explain all the details to them so they can understand. My grandfather made a couple of comments that could have been offensive about birthmothers, but I just let it roll off my back. It was kind of hard being around for the family catch up, hearing my grandma and her sisters talk and brag about who is having babies, or so and so and her 5th kid. Never did they mention us in the bragging list. It is kind of frustrating having to remind people that we will have a child too.

Today we got to talk with Hubb's stepdad, who is by the way a true southern boy. I love him but he is crazy and thinks he knows everything and never shuts up! When we brought up the adoption he ranted for a little while about how we better have legal contracts that say what the birthmother can and cant do because there are crazy people in the world and she could come back one day and kidnap our baby and be in mexico in no time. We assured him that we would talk to the social worker and ask about that (yea right) Hubbs asked about race and ethnicity I dont remember exactly how it came up, I think he just asked, and stepdad said that he would love whatever child we had just like he had raised Hubbs as his own. It was really sweet and then he quickly returned to the crazy mother rant.

The only somewhat negative response we got was from Hubbs' Nana and Aunt D (stepdads moma and sister) It was kind of strange. I was able to spend some time with Aunt D and tried to talk about it a little bit but she was not taking the bait. She was stone silent and didnt even seem like she was paying attention. Ussually she is real talkative, It seemed wierd. With Nana, Hubbs asked her if she had any questions, and she said No, she didnt want to know anything about it. (wow) Then there was silence. What do you say after that? Hubbs said that was ok, and she mumbled something about it being a different way of doing things and things happen or something and that was it. Very strange because I expected the exact opposite from both nana and Aunt D. It was like we struck a sore subject or a dark family secret that we dont know about. I am hoping that maybe they were just having a bad day and that it will change when there is an actual child. The good thing is this is family that we dont see very often maybe once or twice a year, so hopefully it will get better, but if not they will not be a huge influence in our child's life. (I kind of feel bad writting that)

So I guess so far so good. The main players are on borad and supportive. Tomorrow we will see Hubbs dad and Kari (the sometimes evil sometimes lovely girlfriend/stepmom) spend a few days there and then to His Mom's and hopeful not encounter her deadbeat boyfriend that just got them into a car accident because he was drunk and ran into a pile of dirt. (Classy)

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement, I probably wont be able to update again until after the newyear.



Dreamer4agift said...

I'm glad to hear all is going well for the most part!!

I know what you are saying about the g-parents having the old way of thinking about adoption. A few years ago when I was talking to my gpa about trying to have a baby, he made a comment about making sure I didn't adopt b/c that would just be horrible and hard...I was really upset b/c I'd always wanted to adopt. Once I talked to my mom about it, she explained that she thought some of it had to do with the fact that my gpa saw how devastated my parents were when they had tried to adopt a baby and after all the excitement and planning, the day they went to get the baby at the hospital, the mom changed her was horrible. My mom thought my gpa maybe just didn't want to see any more family go through that kind of deep hurt.

But keep going, I'm sure that once anyone meets the child that eventually finds his/her way to you, they will know what you know even now: He/she is already a part of your heart and life...and they will love them too.


Guera! said...

That is very frustrating when they don't include you in the general bragging and catch up that goes on when the extended family is together. You are adopting and that's exciting. It's front page newsletter's let's toast with a fine bottle of champagne deserve all the attention that a pregnant lady gets....I'm not really feeling it from my family either and it's a part of the whole process I wasn't expecting. Good luck and best wishes to you!