Friday, October 24, 2008

Hope is building

So we made a decision. We are going to adopt.

At first, I wasn't really excited about it, it was just a decision, a way forward. Basically it came down to feeling very uncomfortable with IVF ethically, not knowing what to do or how to decide, and we felt that the adoption process would give us time. We have always wanted to adopt, we just thought it would be kid 4, 5, and 6 instead of the first. I know it will be a long process, but at least it is a way forward, something to look forward to.

Slowly, hope is building. Everyday I get a little more excited about the child that will come to us. With the infertility grief I had pushed all thoughts about a family and a baby to hold into a very dark closet with a padlock on it. I just couldn't think about it. I took the lock off. Slowly those hopes and dreams are coming out. It still hurts, my heart is still heavy when I see mother's with their infants, but the other day I smiled at them. I thought about the child I will be holding, I felt kind of warm and snuggly inside.

I am ready for hope. I am ready to be happy again, to be able to make it through a day of work motivated and undistributed!

I think my day is coming.

13 comments:

Seriously? - Erin said...

Here from ICLW. You must feel so positive now that you have a direction and a decision. Good luck with your adoption process.

bendingbackwards said...

Wishing you the best with your adoption proceedings.

HUGS!

ICLW.

Michelle said...

I am happy for you that you have made a decision and are starting to build your family that way. Good luck with all the things that are to come. Your dreams WILL come true!

Andrea said...

I think your time is coming, too. Congrats on making such an exciting decision! Good luck!

Photogrl said...

Stopping by from ICLW...

Congrats on making such a life changing decision.

I always feel better when I feel that I am working towards an end.

{{HUGS}}

Jenn said...

Good luck!
(ICLW)

Laura said...

Congratulations on your decision. And good luck on your new journey! From ICLW

Kristin said...

How wonderful that you are starting to hope again.

ICLW

Trish said...

This is within the realm of my life-experience.We adopted and chose not to IVF 15 years ago ...later we did IVF in 2005 after I lost my naturally concieved daughter (after 12 years not actively TTC)
You are thoughtful and aware.
Keep on digging deep and imagining the joy that awaits you because it will come.

Faith and Hope are eternal.

Faith in yourself.Hope in solutions.

Here from IComLeavWe... (adoption,pregnancy loss, IVF twins)
My Little Drummer Boys

Mary said...

Hoping the adoption process is a smooth and beautiful one for your family. Good luck!

(ICLW)

Sassy said...

Such a huge decision. I hope it all goes smoothly. I still find it hard to invest in the idea of adoption 9 months after we made the decision. It is so nice to have a new plan though. Good luck.

Mama Bear said...

congrats on making that big desicion--- I hope it brings you some peace----good luck on your journey to your child! my 2 kiddos joined our family through adoption- it can be a whirlwind and I would not change a single thing!

Donielle @ Naturally Knocked Up said...

Congratulations! How very exiting, and I give you my utmost respect for choosing adoption over IVF for ethical reasons. :-)

Hope the process goes smoothly for you!