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IVF costs a LOT of money. I think we are all aware of that. Adoption is not a cheaper option, and might even cost more. What we are trying to decide now, is a simple question of whether we are willing to gamble.
I am trying to make this a logical decision, and it is really hard with all the emotions that are involved, but just run with me for a minute.
Lets say you are looking to buy a car. You go and meet with Mr. Car man and he gives you two options. The first, pay $15,000 and he will provide you with a kit to build your own car, sounds exciting, only that there is only a 35% chance you will actually end up with a car in the end. The second option is to pay the same amount of money and he gaurntees you will have a brand new car from the lot down the street where cars just sit with no one to drive them in your drive way within a year. You dont get the satisfaction of putting it together yourself, but you are garunteed to have a car in the end.
I know that sounds really simplistic and maybe way off, but this is where my mind is.
Of course you would go with the option that garuntees that you get a car!
It sounds so simple, and we all know wanting a baby, our baby is much different than wanting a car. But the logic of it still stands. Am I willing to gamble the money on the maybe of getting a car? And there is a need that we could fill, we could become a child's family, be a better option for a struggling teen mom, we could be the answer.
With gaurntees also comes the abandonment of a dream. Letting go of hopes and emotions that I dont know if I am willing to let go of yet.
I wish this was as simple as buying a car, but I know it is not.
The birth of my third son
7 years ago
10 comments:
What a great analogy! Keep us posted!
I used a similar car analogy the other day when trying to explain to someone the COST of this!
Everyone agrees they would pay 15,000 for a new set of wheels...but fewer would be willing to spend 50,000 or more, which could very well end up being the cost of this if it didn't work the first time.
I'm trying to wrap my ahead around things as well.
Its not an easy decision. (((Hugs)))
ICLW
I cant even magine how hard of a decision that would be, costly either way but like you said, giving up a dream. ((Hugs)) I'll be thinking about your family and stoping back to check in.
Stopping by from ICLW
www.ourway2happilyeverafter.blogspot.com
These were the same feelings I had. It is a difficult and personal decision.
What's funny is I HATE to gamble...I am one of those people who need to have something to show for my money...but I picked IVF to start. :)
good luck, thinking about you.
xoxo, april (ICLW)
It's a horrid decision to have to make. I hope that you come to a decision that you can live with, whatever you decide to do.
(ICLW)
Oh goodness...we deliberated over this for so long. Agonized over it. We're older and our chance of getting to adopt (other than via foster care) was slim. So, we finally went with Shared Risk. Don't know if your FE works with that. But, we felt you get basically six shots at getting a baby. And if you don't, you get most of that money back (not the med money, though). We felt six tries was better odds. Anyhoo, thought I'd share. Tough tough tough - anyway you look at it. ICLW
Almost six years ago I was in exactly that position. Go for the guarantee or the risk. We went with the guarantee. A little over 5 years ago we adopted our son from Russia.
When we decided we wanted a second child I didn't need the guarantee as much, so we decided to take the risk. Fortunately the gamble worked for us on our very last try of IVF and 11 months ago I gave birth to our son.
There are no easy answers unfortunately.
I've been making these kinds of decisions lately also. And we have decided to go through with IVF. One reason is that adoption does not always guarantee a child in a year. If you want a baby you have to jump through hoops, birth parents can change their minds, and you might not be selected by the agency or organization you choose. So in your analogy it would be getting ready to get into the car from down the road only to have it drive away without you. We decided to go with the chance of building our own car. And using shared risk (INTEGRAMED), we can always try for the other care later if our handmade one does not work.
Good luck in your decision making. It isn't easy but you'll find out what is right for you soon.
ICLW
I just came across your blog through the ICLW list. My husband and I just found out about a month ago that we cannot have children on our own. This entry explains to a "t" just how i'm feeling at the moment. We are both in ministry and are very open to adoption but am I ready to give up on the dream of having our own?! praying for clarity these days ;)
i chronicle our journey at: ourquiethope.wordpress.com
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